Lest we forget

Remembrance Day poster, originally uploaded by torontofotobug.

 

Horses on stamps: Angola

Things you probably shouldn’t say around non-horse people

Fat Pony in Snow, originally uploaded by *CA*.

 

Actually, my favourite is from a website touting a QH weanling for sale: “This filly will be a pleasure machine!”

The ones below are via momoxie.

Do you like my breast collar?
His sheath was really dirty, but I cleaned it.
In the winter, his ass gets really hairy.
Don’t jump on him, sit down gently.
What a lovely jackass!
She wants to breed to my stud.
There’s nothing like 17 hands between your legs!
Can I pet your ass?
He had a bad attitude, so we castrated him.
He’s got a lot of stamina, you can ride him all day long.
Is she a maiden?
I wanted to breed to her stud, but he’s all booked this season.
We’ll be breeding tonight, want to watch?
He’s really good at walking and pooping at the same time.
He didn’t try to run away when we drove the nails into his feet.
He broke his leg, so they shot him.
She bites her baby if it behaves badly.
She’s on a new diet, she’s only eating grass.
She just got a new rack.
If he’s not good, just grab his lip and twist it.
When I’m done riding him, you can have a turn.
They cut his toe off and he walks better now.
Don’t worry, if he pulls her teats too hard she’ll bite him.
He’s much better if you ride him with a crop.
I jumped 4 feet high yesterday.
She’s got a really nice, big, square butt.
What color are her gums?
The mother is black and the father is white, and the baby came out black and white.
He tries to kick me when I put my hand in his sheath.
Don’t worry, it’s normal for his mouth to foam.
All of her babies have been sold overseas.
I know she’s going to have a baby soon because her butt is soft.
Her baby started walking about 20 minutes after birth.
Her body was covered in 4-inch long hair, but I clipped it off.
He has trouble mounting her because she’s so tall.
She likes to roll in the dirt after her bath.
He has 23 babies by different mothers.
He goes outside in just a blanket.
He was about 6 months old when we branded him with an iron.
I have to use a stool to mount him.
If he’s spilling his food on the ground, he might need a dentist.
I was listening to his gut sounds last night…
One testicle is visible, but I can’t even feel the other one.

OK, people, let’s hear yours. 😉

How many horses does it take to change a light bulb?

Thoroughbred: Who ME?? Do WHAT? I’m scared of light bulbs! I’m outta here!

Arabian: I changed it an hour ago… C’mon you guys – catch up!

Quarter Horse: Put all the bulbs in a pen and tell me which one you want.

Standardbred: Oh for Pete’s Sake, give me the damn bulb and let’s be done with it.

Shetland: Give it to me. I’ll kill it and we won’t have to worry about it anymore.

Friesian: I would, but I can’t see where I’m going from behind all this mane.

Belgian: Put the Shetland on my back, maybe he can reach it then.

Warmblood: Is the 2nd Level Instruction Packet in English? Doesn’t anyone realize that I was sold for $75K as a yearling, but only because my hocks are bad, otherwise I would be worth $100K? I am NOT changing lightbulbs. Make the TB get back here and do it.

Morgan: Me! Me! Me! Pleeease let me! I wanna do it! I’m gonna do it! I know how, really I do! Just watch! I’ll rewire the barn after, too.

Appaloosa: Ya’ll are a bunch of losers. We don’t need to change the lightbulb, I ain’t scared of the dark. And someone make that damn Morgan stop jumping up and down before I double barrel him.

Haflinger: That thing I ate was a lightbulb?

Mustang: Lightbulb? Let’s go on a trail ride, instead. And camp. Out in the open like REAL horses.

Lipizzaner: Hah, amateurs. I will change the lightbulb. Not only that, but I will do it while standing on my hind legs and balancing it on my nose, after which I will perform seven flying lead changes in a row and a capriole. Can you do that? Huh? Huh? Didn’t think so.

Miniature: I bet you think I can’t do it just cause I’m small. You know what that is? It’s sizeism!

Akhal Teke: I will only change it if it’s my owner’s lightbulb and no one else has ever touched it.

Andalusian: I will delegate the changing of the lightbulb to my personal groom after he finishes shampooing my mane and cleaning my saddle, but only on the condition that it is changed for a soft blue or green bulb, which reflects better off my coat while I exhibit my astonishing gaits.

Cleveland Bay: I’m busy. Make the whipper-in and the hounds do it.

Saddlebred: My ears are up already, please please get the lightbulb away from me! I’m ready to show, really, I promise I’ll win!

Paint: Put all the lightbulbs in a pen, tell me which one you want, and my owner will bet you twenty bucks I can get it before the quarter horse.

POA: I’m not changing it. I’m the one who kicked the old one and broke it in the first place, remember? Now, excuse me, I have a grain room to break into.

Grade Horse: Guys? Um, guys? I hope you don’t mind, but I went ahead and changed it while you were all arguing.