Things you probably shouldn’t say around non-horse people

10 11 2006

Fat Pony in Snow, originally uploaded by *CA*.

 

Actually, my favourite is from a website touting a QH weanling for sale: “This filly will be a pleasure machine!” Eeek!

The ones below are via momoxie.

Do you like my breast collar?
His sheath was really dirty, but I cleaned it.
In the winter, his ass gets really hairy.
Don’t jump on him, sit down gently.
What a lovely jackass!
She wants to breed to my stud.
There’s nothing like 17 hands between your legs!
Can I pet your ass?
He had a bad attitude, so we castrated him.
He’s got a lot of stamina, you can ride him all day long.
Is she a maiden?
I wanted to breed to her stud, but he’s all booked this season.
We’ll be breeding tonight, want to watch?
He’s really good at walking and pooping at the same time.
He didn’t try to run away when we drove the nails into his feet.
He broke his leg, so they shot him.
She bites her baby if it behaves badly.
She’s on a new diet, she’s only eating grass.
She just got a new rack.
If he’s not good, just grab his lip and twist it.
When I’m done riding him, you can have a turn.
They cut his toe off and he walks better now.
Don’t worry, if he pulls her teats too hard she’ll bite him.
He’s much better if you ride him with a crop.
I jumped 4 feet high yesterday.
She’s got a really nice, big, square butt.
What color are her gums?
The mother is black and the father is white, and the baby came out black and white.
He tries to kick me when I put my hand in his sheath.
Don’t worry, it’s normal for his mouth to foam.
All of her babies have been sold overseas.
I know she’s going to have a baby soon because her butt is soft.
Her baby started walking about 20 minutes after birth.
Her body was covered in 4-inch long hair, but I clipped it off.
He has trouble mounting her because she’s so tall.
She likes to roll in the dirt after her bath.
He has 23 babies by different mothers.
He goes outside in just a blanket.
He was about 6 months old when we branded him with an iron.
I have to use a stool to mount him.
If he’s spilling his food on the ground, he might need a dentist.
I was listening to his gut sounds last night…
One testicle is visible, but I can’t even feel the other one.

OK, people, let’s hear yours. 😉

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6 responses

10 11 2006
I Gallop On

Oh. My. Gosh. That is absolutely hilarious. You made my Friday evening. (Otherwise, I am cleaning house…)

Pax. Kimberly

11 11 2006
barngoddess

lol!! good ones! especially the breast collar. Non-horse peeps have no clue 🙂

19 04 2007
I dare you to wear this to the pub some night « Bridlepath

[…] Things you probably shouldn’t say around non-horse people […]

28 10 2009
matty w

thats sooooooo funny! i LUV those sorts of things. its so funny as an inside joke–like ur with some ppl, and one of them is also a horseperson and u say some thing like that , like, “iv never straddled more than 16 hands”. evryone looks at u like ur crazy, but that one other person and u r laffing ur a** off!

28 06 2013
Jess

what about:
You need to give him more head.

26 11 2016
EquineEventer

“He’s so tall, it was really hard to mount”
“My thighs burn after my ride yesterday!”

Oh and one from a couple weeks ago…
“My trainer got off and then I rode, we were both all sweaty afterwards”
Reply was other person snickering and asking if I was gonna ride again today. Very loudly, in front of my entire math class😳. I had some explaining to do…

Oh, the way we must come across to non horse people… 😂

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